I swore I was going to write frequently, a therapy of sorts...someplace to vent a little. Quietly. I doubt anyone I knows will come across this, if they do well than maybe they will know me a little better.
"Nothing to do when you are locked in a vacancy." What is vacant about my life? The box where my energy, my drive is supposed to be. I am locked in there. I cannot get myself motivated to do anything. The depression commercials....I could win an emmy. Do I want to be like this? No. Sometimes I feel like it is easier though it makes it all harder. (What???)
Now the fall hits, cold is coming. No more warmth from the sun, that flush of heat as you walk out the door. The color will leave. I will watch my husband drive off into the dark, in the snow, to a job he hates that isn't going to make our ends meet in a few months.
Do I want to work? No, not really. Especially b/c I cannot imagine what I would do, and I am sure whatever it is it will not be good enough for me. Honest. Said it.
I am tired, my throat hurts, week 3 of a killer headache (loved ones need to stop dying around here. 3 funerals is enough for now.) When I hit this low I just can't feel the hope. I pray....it is hard to feel. I had a twinge of goodness praying with my Josie a couple of days ago. She repeated a certain line and would giggle. She wasn't making fun, she was having fun. Cool.
Need to stop. Have to do SOMETHING productive with my day. Of course even if I worked all day I wouldn't feel like I did enough, guess that's why I am not getting so much done!
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